“Bahá'u'lláh once compared the coloured people to the black pupil of the eye surrounded by the white. In this black pupil you see the reflection of that which is before it, and through it the light of the Spirit shines forth. In the sight of God colour makes no difference at all, He looks at the hearts of men. That which God desires from men is the heart...”


 

Mirror Image

 


Love Letter #7


 

My dearest mirror-image,

 

I read, re-read, re-read and re-read yet again your soul’s breaking call, but still hoping and searching call, and it was upon the third read that a path started shinning through to me. 

 

You said my job was only to respond because I had the answer and you would like to receive it; then you challenged me by saying that only if the response was acceptable would you follow!  Feisty ain’t ya sis!

 

Well I have a response that counter challenges you my sister soul: you always had the answer from the second you sent up the first SOS to Big B!  Want to know why I say this look below:

The Wailing Call of His Beloved Handmaiden Echoing from 1 8 Months Ending at Sea

I became caught up in the affairs of the world, the dealings of life.                                                                                                                              I Just what [is] this brown skinned woman….supposed to be wrapped up in,                                                                                                               instead of these other things stealing away at my rhythm, and my rhyme, and the very essence of my being.

There is no fight left in me. I was wounded with a bullet that pierced my heart,                                                                                                        I prayed for the pain to offer me a respite, and God, hearing, and God, seeing, allowed me to drift into another place.

I can use this downtime to heal, knowing “that which doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger”.  

I opened my eyes just long enough to see, feel for my father’s hands.         I never saw, but trusted They were there. Making contact with his pinky finger,       I grabbed it as if it was a robe.

Would I ever again be accepted at the Table of his bounty? 

I am here now, still waiting. A constant reminder of the first bullet,                                                                                                                             It is still in my mind like it was yesterday.

My skills not as keen as they were, in fact, probably non existent now from lack of use.                                                                                  For, the biggest weapon I had in the battle, I can no longer carry, haven’t used it in so long.                                                                                I've even forgotten which closet I buried it in. 

There is nothing left for me to ask.                                                                                                                                                          There is nothing I need.                                                                                                                                                                                 My exile can not be much longer now. 

I’ve lost one of the pillars that sustain soldiers,                                                                                                                                                                      And I fear to join the battle again: I am still too weak from the scars.

And pride keeps me from asking to borrow yours. 

If you will send just one pillar up on my behalf.                                                                                                                                                                      I know that will be enough. 

’Cause I’m running for my life. 

Why I should re-enlist in His army when all roads thus far have led to no, no, know where…

These are all your words that I took from your “synopsis”, which show recognition of why you are where you are; what you must “choose” to do to reach past this spirit-shaming, soul-embattled, ever-present mental anguish, and emerge cleansed, totally submissive to His Will, humbled and eternally and joyously grateful that in the dead “silence” and pitch-black clouds of pain your Lord was right beneath you, His perfect and dearly beloved daughter, carrying you through the fire of Job testing your certitude and preparing you for service in His vineyard through all the worlds of God.

 

All of this I see in the “path” I discerned from your words above; the yellow highlights reflect the flames of spiritual torture you have been experiencing in ever-increasing degrees, not for the last 18 months, but from the time of your service at the BWC and culminating in this recent “act” that caused a bullet to pierce your heart with unspeakable “seeming” annihilation. 

 

In contrast, the green highlights manifest the tenacious power and steadfast certitude of the spirit you possess as created by your Creator, a spirit that even in the sunless-hole of terror and torture, refuses to succumb to the promptings of the flesh to give in but, instead, feels for the Father’s Hand that cannot be seen but trusting that because of that rock-steady faith, It is there and, It is, and grabs hold like unto a robe; the same spirit that knows God is the “All Hearing” and the “All Seeing” and has encoded in your soul that He can always be reached through the one “pillar” that can never be taken by external means, the pillar of prayer! 

 

That “which doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger”, and since you are still very much alive and “still waiting” reaching out to your sistah, we both know that that spirit, which is your spirit and the spirit of every Bahá’í reaching out to Bahá’u’lláh, can and is only stronger because of all the wounding and pain.

 

Do you remember how Khánum defined faith in her poem entitled “This is Faith”?

 

            “To cry out in the silence,

            The silence of the night,

            And hearing no echo believe

            And believe again and again—This is Faith

 

            To say: “God, I believe” when others deny,

“I hear”, when there is no answer,

            “I see” though naught is seen—This is Faith

 

            And the fierce love in the heart,

            The savage love that cries

            Hidden Thou art yet there!

            Veil Thy face and mute Thy tongue

            Yet I see and hear Thee, Love,

             Beat me down to the bare earth,

             Yet I rise and love Thee, Love!”

This is Faith.

               

This is the same faith that beats so strongly in your heart and soul even when its life blood is delayed to your mind to cause it to speak to your hands and cause them to type: “My skills are probably non-existent now from lack of use”, “I’ve lost one of the pillars that sustains soldiers, “I fear to join the battle again”, “I am still too weak from the scars”, “’cause I’m running for my life”, so “why should I re-enlist in His army when all roads thus far have led to no, no, know where”?

 

Now I am going to end by reminding you of the “true” story of Mírzá Ahmad Yazdí, as in Ahmad of “Tablet of Ahmad”!

Ahmad spent 25 years in deprivation searching for the goal of his life, the intense yearning of his heart: which was to find the Qá’im, the Promised One of Islam.

He was so eager to reach his goal that whenever anyone recommended a new prayer or ritual for him to follow, he would carry it out with devotion and zeal.  But, alas, none of these practices brought him any closer to the object of his quest.  Ahmad searched the length and breadth of Persia without success and so he gave up and went to India, yet he found nothing there either, the goal of his life went unfulfilled and he finally became disillusioned.

 

This led to his return to Persia to pursue some sort of “normal” life and he did do this for some years but, all the while, the desire to find the Qá’im still burned strongly in his heart.  It was during this time of unspoken yearning that he heard of the Báb from Shíráz, and took off to journey, on foot, to Tihrán and then to Mashhad, over 500 miles.  Upon arrival once again the hand of God reached out and diverted him from his purpose, as Ahmad became ill and had to take to bed for two months!!    

 

In his own words Ahmad said: “I will persist till such time as he will open his heart to me and will guide me to the right path of God.  It is incumbent upon the one who searches to drain the bitter cup of hardship”.  He was finally able to attain his goal, some 25 years later, and recognize and acknowledge the truth of the Message of the Báb and later Bahá’u’lláh!

 

Sis you have been drinking deep from the bitter cup of hardship for many years now, until you have now reached the dregs of pain!  Choose now to stop running for your life and rather start running towards your life; embrace it, give thanks for the unbearable torture that has caused your soul to seek out to the “no other Helper but Him,” and bend over with tears of blood streaming from your heart and beseech God saying: “Here am I, here am I”.  Choose life and strength and forgiveness of yourself and lay the burden of shame at the feet of Bahá’u’lláh and fully submit to the path of purpose He has for you, which has included all of this pain, and re-enlist in His Army of love and light.

 

I did find my earlier email and the recommendation stands more now than ever before:
            “Request a meeting with the LSA and when you go to meet it, share with them that you are new to the

area and are seeking its prayers for assistance in getting settled and finding a job and also would like

to seek its guidance on how best you can use your services to support the goals of the Plan! 

There is, as you know, a special spiritual potency to the prayers of the institutions and by going to it

and seeking its guidance you are in fact saying to Bahá’u’lláh that you are tired of trying to go it alone

in search of the answers and that you are now totally surrendering your will to His, just point the way

via the LSA’s guidance, and you will follow.”

 

You know that I love you and continue to be mystified at how your path and mine seem to mirror each other so much! 

“He doeth as He willeth and what recourse have we but to bow down in submission….

 

With a spiritual love that defies all ties, burdens and shame,

Your sistah friend and co-conspirator through all the worlds of God!

dewy

 

Debbie K., Mon, Jun 4, 2007


9 Love Letters Series
Love Letter #2: Vying
Love Letter #4: Bliss--9 Love Letters
Love Letter #5: Souls Alighting His Path
Love Letter #7: Mirror Image
Love Letter #8: Running from DK
Love Letter #9: A Wail of the Chance

 

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