You Do Not Become What You Want But What You Believe

Reflection by Debbie Kirton

I just got through watching Oprah and the topic was on “Changing Expectations”, people who had married with one expectation of what they would be getting from their spouse and how the reality differed.

What grabbed me deep inside was her comment to one of her guest couples, the wife having gained considerable weight since her marriage and the husband’s rejection of her because he had married a thin woman and his expectation was to forever have that svelte person throughout their marriage. 

Oprah said to the wife that we do not become what we want in life but what we believe, and that is how cycles are repeated and we become our mothers or fathers, because of what we believe.  She then went on to say that having struggled with her weight since the age of 25, she can say for a certainty, that it was and never is about the weight, but about not feeling worthy – not being worthy of love!!!!

This struck home for me because four days ago I started journaling my daily thoughts, reflections and revelations and I wrote exactly the same issue about my weight struggle: that it is not about eating and food but about how I feel deep in the core about who I am as a person in my eyes and the eyes of the world.  Now the universal principle of receptivity centers on the truth that once a thought is born and enters our subconscious we attract to ourselves the energy needed to make that thought/desire a physical reality.  It is as if the entire universe and all its life-giving forces unite to propel your thought into the realm of the material world, and that is why you hear people saying what a coincidence that thus and so happened when they had only very recently thought of doing it.

In my mind, the key has been turned to finally unlocking all of my guarded insecurities and my sense of unworthiness, and step by painful and revealing step, the Creative power around me is shinning its light on the truths I need to first know, then embrace in every fiber of my being as the only reality, guiding me to manifest the true nobility, beauty and worthiness that are latent in my spiritual identity.

Each of us at some level and in varying degrees will have to address this issue of our inherent and God-gifted sense of worthiness and, I believe, that for women this process is more intense and all-consuming throughout our lives because of the media distortion that has manipulated our belief system to gradually overtime become our deluded reality of what a “real woman” should look like, think and hold true as her code of values.

My life’s challenge and responsibility is to take that which has already been written by the Hand of the loving Creator and manifest it in my life as my only truth and reality.

The defected default tape which my mind has been programmed, through the years of childhood experiences, adolescent rejections and adult fears, to accept as real and which has caused me to live a life of unworthiness with a 40-watt bulb instead of the 100-watt bulb I was coded to shine, will now be replaced by these fundamental and eternal truths of God:

“O Son of Spirit!  I created thee rich, why dost thou bring thyself down to poverty?  Noble I made thee, wherewith dost thou abase thyself?…I loved thy creation, hence I created Thee…With the hands of power I made thee and with the fingers of strength I created thee; and within thee have I placed the essence of My light…My work is perfect and My command is binding.  Question it not, nor have a doubt thereof.

…Turn thy sight unto thyself, that thou mayest find Me
standing within thee, mighty, powerful and self-subsisting…”

This will be my daily mantra, and I know for a certainty, that with each day the essence of His light shall burn brighter and brighter until I shall find Him standing within me, mighty, powerful and self-subsisting!  This will become my virtual and spiritual reality and when, not if, that day finally arrives, that will be the day that weight and food shall be of no more importance that the sea and sand abounding this beautiful island I call home.

I am grateful for the gift of struggle, which my weight has brought me, because in this struggle, I am discovering an inner strength, and beauty that rivals all to be had at the hands of men and mice and their foolish delusions.